Do you ever feel like your self-care attempts are sabotaged? You take a vacation, you get a massage and go to yoga, you do something fun, and you get back to work feeling like you can jump back in. But inevitably, an hour or two into your day, you feel like you never even took a break, you are right back to square one.
And it’s so frustrating, after all, you are TRYING to feel better, you are TRYING to practice self-care… but work drags you back down.
It’s easy for helplessness to set in.
Either
1. Self-care doesn’t work
2. It’s impossible for anyone to do this work, day in and day out, without getting burned out OR
3. You aren’t doing enough self-care to actually combat the stressors of work.
At least we think these are the only options. No wonder why we can’t escape frustration.
So, what do we do? How do we make the self-care activities “work”.
The solution lies in realizing that self-care activities are only ½ of the equation, the other half, believe it or not, is how you talk to yourself.
You haven’t been doing anything wrong, you just haven’t been your biggest cheerleader.
Let me give you an example.
Your patient wants to lose weight and get in shape. They decide to start a new walking program and prep healthy food for the week. (They do the “right” things…like the self-care activities.) But then, the very first day, they become riddled with doubt.
You tell them,
You’ve never actually stuck to a plan before.
Walking probably won’t be enough.
It’s harder for you because_____ (insert a reason: age, gender, previous injuries, food intolerances, medical issues, time etc).
Losing weight is too hard.
You keep going.
Exercise will hurt.
The food prep will take time away from your family.
No one is going to support you.
You can’t actually do this anymore; you should just give up.
If this was your approach, would you be surprised then they can’t willpower their way through day one or two, much less the rest of their life?
It sounds ridiculous. We would never say these things to a patient, even though they may believe, with every fiber of their being, that these statements are true. They haven’t done it before. They may not get support. They may need to adjust their plan as they go along.
But we can see the possibility FOR them.
So, back to making our self-care activities “stick” and improving our experiences at work.
We may not think that we are being mean and unsupportive to ourselves when we describe difficult aspects of work that may be true. We probably don’t even identify it as self-talk any more than our patient would think “no one is going to support me” as self-talk.
If we were supporting ourselves, or a coworker who was struggling, would we say these things?
You don’t have the capacity to do this anymore.
Caring for other people is too much for you.
You aren’t strong enough.
Taking care of yourself on your day off will never be enough.
There is nothing to figure out here, you are fighting a lost battle.
We would NEVER intentionally say these things…but yet they run like a broken record in the background of our thoughts all day long.
No wonder why we don’t feel better when we come back to work after vacation.
The good news is, we can decide (and practice) how we want to speak to ourselves, and to our coworkers.
How different would the experience at work be if, when we came back from vacation or a day off and told ourselves all day long,
I can do this.
I am great at doing this. I am making a difference.
I have the capacity to hold the suffering of my patients without sacrificing my own wellbeing.
I can root myself in compassion, I don’t have to feel “happy” all day to have a good day.
There is always a way to figure things out.
Taking care of myself outside of work is never a waste of time.
Pick one or make up your own. Become aware of how you are talking to yourself during the day.
Are you thinking “this is too much, I can’t do it?”
Would you tell someone else they can’t do it?
Self-care works but it’s only half the equation, the rest is up to you. And just like the patient who is trying to lose weight, you may have good days and bad days. You may have days where it seems easy to believe that you can 100% keep doing this work. You may have shifts that you finish exhausted, only to realize that you totally forgot to practice awareness around what you are thinking and choosing statements and beliefs that support you.
It’s not a one-and-done, it’s a lifestyle.
The payoff is so worth it.
Sometimes it can seem that this is too simple to work, that your situation won’t respond to these types of strategies. I get it, I was really skeptical at first too. But then the pain and suffering that I was experiencing made me willing to try anything, even if I wasn’t sure that it would work. If you are going through something similar, please reach out and let’s explore what working together would do for you. The consult call is free, and just that call alone can give you so much clarity. I hope you will believe in yourself enough to consider it. I am here when you are ready. Just reach out. Megan@NursingBeyondJob.com
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