“That is a very small candle,” said Tiny Dragon.
“However small the light,” said Big Panda, “it’s better than darkness.”
Big Panda and Tiny Dragon by James Norbury.
At first review, this quote conjures up the emotion of being a light in the darkness, being the change we want to see in the world. It is an inspiring reminder to start the new year with and for some may lead to new resolutions.
However, it is also a reminder to not discard the current light as too small, too insignificant to matter. It is easy to come home from work and list the things that were accomplished as tasks on a to-do list, but this misses the very real truth that there are people on the other side of those tasks.
Every nurse is a candle for their patients, a moment, an experience in someone else’s life. It is easy to forget this as we see so many patients. We are exposed to hundreds of patients, yet each patient is only exposed to the handful of nurses providing them care. The care may seem small, the few minutes spent listening to their concerns and providing them guidance, but it is the small light to their darkness, their fear of uncertainty, their lack of self-belief, their need for answers and help.
Discarding the importance of these interactions can rob us of the meaning of the work and lead to compassion fatigue and burnout. Take a minute at the end of the day and list the first names of the patients you interacted with. Think about their families and coworkers, all the people that are affected by this one person feeling better. A little light can have a profound reach.
But the power of this quote doesn’t stop with the impact that we have on patients and through them, on ourselves. This idea can be applied in a much more personal way.
We all have areas within us that feel dark, areas that temper our moments of joy. These areas don’t have to be some ominous shameful secret but rather worry, self-doubt, disappointment, hurt, pain, fatigue, anxiety, inadequacy. We try to cover these areas with busyness (or scrolling), looking for quick little dopamine hits to try and hide or ignore the areas that cause us pain. It makes sense, looking into the darkness can be scary and so protecting ourselves with dopamine is an obvious defense mechanism.
But just because we give others care, we are not exempt from needing care ourselves.
If we could see this same dark place in our patients, how would we treat them?
What could the candle be, no matter how small?
Are you willing to try something new, something you haven’t tried before? The novelty of trying something new may help sway the constant mental chatter that “this won’t work, it hasn’t worked before.”
Here’s the best part, the candle can be anything that helps soothe your central nervous system and help disrupt the inner dialogue that feeds the dark places of fear, overwhelm, anxiety, uncertainty and inadequacy. As these areas shrink your potential for happiness and your resilience grows.
What are some things that you can try? Keep in mind, this is to calm your nervous system, not to accomplish something external. (Read on with an open mind, remember we are trying something new here; lighting a tiny, but not insignificant candle.)
Stretch for a few minutes every day. Count it as 2 candles if you can manage to do this in a quiet place with some soothing music.
Color. Can you leave some crayons or markers on your kitchen table and spend 5 minutes a day actually doing nothing but focusing on the picture?
Put your phone down for an hour (start with a smaller amount of time if need be). What comes up for you if you can’t reach for your phone? Scrolling gives us little instant hits of dopamine which can make us intolerant to anything that requires more than 3 minutes for a reward. This is a huge contributor to procrastination as we would rather the instant gratification of instant entertainment to the delayed gratification of completing a task. It doesn’t make you a bad person for craving dopamine- remember this is a legit defense mechanism.
Start a gratitude list. Post it on your fridge and add a few things every day until you get to 100. No repeats. At the end of each week, review the list.
Download a mindfulness app and give it a go. Can you follow directions for 5-10 minutes a day? That is all it takes, no mind-emptying necessary.
Set 10 minutes to actually look at the things you are struggling with. Instead of pushing them down, acknowledge your feelings. Write them down. You don’t have to change them, just treat yourself with compassion the way you would one of your patients. We aren’t going to get rid of all our negative emotions but shedding some light on them can lessen the burden.
Get a desk calendar or set of cards with a relaxation or mindfulness activity for each day. Or get one with a positive quote and write one thing under it as how it can be true or relatable in your life.
Do something creative, anything counts.
Challenge yourself to share a positive story with someone every day.
Walk
Go to bed early. I slept for 11 hours last night. No, that is not typical. Yes, I must have needed it. Before you say, “I could never do that,” ask yourself “why not? What will happen if I go to sleep early?” It is true that I missed some texts, and I didn’t move the laundry along. I could focus on the fact that I really didn’t see my family last night, but I SLEPT FOR 11 HOURS! It was magical. I gained more than I sacrificed, and weirdly, the laundry is still available to be done which isn't the end of the world.
Buy (and read) a book on coping, or health, or burnout. Not into self-help (even though we are trying something new), get Big Panda and Tiny Dragon by James Norbury. Each page is one or two sentences and a beautiful illustration, much like a picture book. Pick one page and just think about it for a few minutes. Yes, just sit and think. Or feel free to get a fancy notebook and jot down a few thoughts about it. Don’t bother calling it journaling, that sounds stressful.
Try a new recipe, enjoy the process of looking for it, buying the ingredients and making it. Hopefully you enjoy eating it. The key for activities like these is to be engrossed, staying focused on the here and now. This is mindfulness, for real.
You are incredibly smart; you have to be to do the work you do. You just haven’t been educated in the ways to care for yourself. This is just a brainstormed list of ideas. Maybe you prefer to come up with your own.
What does your soul need this year? What is your small candle going to be?
P.S. I am available for 1:1 coaching if you feel like that’s what your soul needs. Just reach out and we can schedule a time. I hope this year is a year of restoration for you.
Comments