Do you ever laugh when someone asks you what you are doing with your day off?
“A day off? Don’t be silly? I have to …”, and then you list the 800 things that you plan to get done in a mere 8 hours. Some things are obligations and some may be “preferences” but very rarely do we answer with “nothing much- just resting.”
Just writing that response feels ridiculous.
And yet, we seem to be surprised when we get to the end of our day off, more exhausted than when the day began. We start the next work day already at a disadvantage. It is difficult to look for the good, connect to the meaning of the work we do and be patient when we are so incredibly exhausted.
I saw a patient yesterday who has had a very difficult year. It began with a recurrence of breast cancer, difficulties with accessing appropriate care resulting in delayed treatment, and then surgery, chemo, and radiation. While she has completed her treatment for now, she is experiencing worsening low back and leg pain, flared fibromyalgia, terrible overall weakness and mental exhaustion. What struck me about this patient (who is also a nurse) was her confusion about why she was feeling terrible; she hadn’t attributed it to the multiple physical and emotional traumas she has endured over the last 12 months.
She needs to rest. She needs to process. She needs to give her body and her mind a chance to recuperate and heal.
This doesn’t mean that we won’t actively treat the pain or do further work up but acknowledging where she is now, what she has gone through, and giving her some time and space to heal physically and emotionally is not something that can be skipped. As a nurse practitioner, as an outside observer, this seems obvious to me. Pointing it out to her actually gave her a lot of comfort, nothing had gone wrong, she just had to give her body a chance to heal.
Coming home from work I was listening to a financial podcast and the host said “time off and rest are not the same thing.” It struck me that most nurses can see this clearly for their patients, as I could for mine, but would not identify this as true for themselves.
My patient was done with treatment, it was her “time off”, and yet she wasn’t feeling better. If anything, she was feeling worse. The same is true when we have a day off, or even a week off, and don’t feel rejuvenated. We then feel like something has gone wrong (and that we may be doomed to a life of constant busyness, fatigue and stress).
We don’t consider the importance of intentional rest.
Maybe you don’t really know how to rest or even what it really is. Rest is anything that down-regulates your nervous system. It is anything that decreases stimulation of your brain. If something is fun, but stimulating, it does not count as rest.
Rest is not exercise (although exercise is good for you, it still doesn’t count as rest).
Rest is not scrolling through Youtube for repetitive, fast entertainment. It is too much stimulation.
Rest is not cleaning your house so you can “just be able to relax.”
Rest is not going to everything you are invited to, just because you aren’t working.
But rest IS lots of good things.
Rest is sleep. YAY!
Rest is being still, spending a few minutes in silence outside or lying on your bed listening to your favorite music.
Rest is meditation or deep breathing.
Rest can be focusing on a calming activity, a craft, playing an instrument, doing a puzzle.
Rest can be sitting with your pet, doing nothing but that.
Rest is going outside in nature, connecting to something bigger than yourself.
You get the idea.
So, what from the list above is scheduled on your next day off? Hmmm? Nothing?
Yes, you can schedule rest. Yes, it can bump something else off the to do list. Yes it is crucial to your ability to keep going.
None of us would tell my patient she is being lazy, should accept every invitation from friends and should spend more time scrolling social media. We wouldn’t tell her that she doesn’t need time to process what she has been through and intentionally care for herself at this time. We wouldn’t disregard the adrenaline that can get her through all the treatment and then crash when it is done.
We are not different from her in that way. Hopefully most of us will never experience the trauma and hardship that she has been through but we will all have struggles, we will all have times of uncertainty, overwhelm and fatigue.
We won’t get through without rest. We can’t keep going forever without it. It’s not a punishment, it’s a gift.
Don’t you think it should make it onto the schedule?
P.S. If you have trouble prioritizing rest or self-care, you aren’t alone. The good news is that this is a skill you can learn. Once you practice the necessary mindset shifts, your whole life can change. If you need some help, this is what I do 🙂
Reach out and let’s schedule a time for a free consultation. 6 weeks is all it takes to start feeling better in the life you are living now. I look forward to hearing from you!
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